“Maybe the next level isn’t asking me to work harder. Maybe it’s asking me to trust that I don’t have to.”

Apparently Mother Nature has decided thunderstorms were a missed part of our nighttime routine. We got hit with another one around midnight last night, which of course sent the dogs into full alert mode. Luckily, we seem to have finally cracked the code around here: Spotify cranked through a speaker to drown out some of the noise, a couple lights left on in the rooms they’re in, and for the most part everyone settles down. It was still raining when we got up this morning, so the dogs did their morning runs in the rain, I got soaked right along with them, and nothing says “Happy Monday” quite like getting hit with the wet-dog shake times four before you’ve really even started your day. LOL.

But honestly, I didn’t mind it that much this morning because I woke up feeling different. Yesterday was an absolute reset day. I slept in snuggled up with hubby, we spent a ridiculous amount of time just hanging out on the deck talking and planning, went for an afternoon coffee date, and did pretty much NONE of the shit we normally cram into our one day off together. Should we have mowed the lawn? Probably. Should we have cleaned the house, caught up on projects and tackled the never-ending list of things that need to be done around the homestead? Also probably. But we didn’t. And here’s the really important part: there was ZERO guilt about it.

We both work at least twelve hours a day, six days a week, and normally that seventh day turns into another marathon of mowing, fixing, cleaning, hauling, organizing and whatever else has landed on the list. There is always something that needs doing when you live the way we do. But this weekend we chose each other instead. The lawn will still be there next weekend - although admittedly a little taller. The floors will still be there later this week. The laundry can get put away somewhere between calls. None of it was going anywhere, but that quiet day together was something we actually needed.

It reminded me of when the kids were younger and people constantly asked me how we managed with hubby working out of town so much. The answer back then was the same as it is now: this is the life we chose. We knew there would be sacrifices and weird schedules and stretches where we barely saw each other. We knew there would be seasons where everything felt like a logistical puzzle. So instead of spending yesterday trying to catch up on chores, we sat on the deck and talked about our goals for the rest of the year, our annual trip to the lake for the horseshoe tournament, my upcoming Utah trip, our budget and some of our future plans for the homestead.

And somewhere in all of those conversations, I realized how much I’ve changed.

It was also really nice getting to see one of my kiddos, who hadn’t been home in three weeks. Of course, that also came with the reminder of how long it’s been since I’ve seen my youngest, and there’s definitely a piece of me that wishes sometimes that we lived a little closer to the city. Not IN the city - let’s not get fucking carried away here LOL - but maybe an hour away instead of being quite so far out. At the same time, I know deep down that we are where we are for a reason. And if moving becomes part of our future, I trust that the pieces will come together when they’re supposed to.

That right there might actually be one of the biggest changes in me.

I don’t feel the need to force everything anymore.

I spent a lot of years believing that if I wanted something badly enough, I needed to push harder. Work harder. Figure it out faster. Find another solution. Make another plan. Keep going even when every part of me was screaming that I needed to stop. Now? I genuinely believe what is meant for me will find its way to me - and holy shit, my nervous system is grateful for that shift.

That doesn’t mean I never get overwhelmed. There are absolutely still moments when I can feel that crash-out energy lurking around the corner. The difference is that now I recognize it. I have tools. Maybe I put on my AO Scan and play the frequencies my body seems to need. Maybe I take ten minutes and breathe. Maybe I walk away from the computer and sit on the deck in the sunshine and fresh air. Sometimes the most productive thing I can do is stop trying to be productive for ten damn minutes.

A couple years ago, I would have been brutal with myself over a Sunday like yesterday. I would have spent the entire day thinking about everything I should have been doing instead of enjoying what I was actually doing. And even if I had managed to sit still, chances are my phone would have been going off with twenty different interruptions.

Which is probably why one tiny text last night hit me harder than the person sending it probably realized.

The guys had barely pulled out of the driveway - literally maybe ten minutes - when my phone went off with a message basically saying, “Hey, the men head back to work?” I smiled because yeah… they know me. They know that every single time those guys pull out of the driveway, the missing them starts almost immediately. And it reminded me that the people I work with now don’t only see me as their coach or their VA. They see me. They recognize when I need family time. They notice when I might be a little emotional. They care about the human being behind the work.

That’s a pretty fucking incredible thing to realize.

Because I’ve also learned that not everybody is meant to stay forever. Some friendships change. Some relationships quietly fade. Some people walk beside you for a season, teach you something you needed to learn, and eventually your paths go in different directions. That used to be something I fought really hard against. Now I’m starting to understand that making room is sometimes exactly how the right people find you.

So here I am on Monday morning, officially getting my week started. Monday is my reset-and-organize day: update the lists, sort the calendar, go through the emails and messages that came in over the last few days, figure out what actually needs my attention and start putting the pieces together for the week ahead. There is plenty to do - because apparently my to-do list reproduces when I’m not looking - but I’m coming into this week from a completely different place because yesterday I gave myself permission to rest.

And maybe that’s the part I’ve been learning all along.

Whether we make some giant move a year from now or we stay exactly where we are. Whether I have 100 clients next year or the three I have now. Whether this work eventually reaches 1,000 students or I’m still pouring into the nine currently in my world. I don’t actually need to know yet.

I need to keep showing up for what is in front of me.

I need to keep building.

I need to keep listening.

And I need to keep remembering that rest, connection and actually enjoying the damn life I’m building are part of the work too.

I believe the universe knows what I need and when I need it. I believe it will bring me what my nervous system has the capacity to hold when I’m actually ready to hold it. And maybe giving myself days like yesterday - days where I stop proving, pushing and producing long enough to simply enjoy my husband, my family, my home and this beautiful crazy life we created - is how I show that I’m ready for more.

Not because I managed to squeeze one more thing onto the list.

But because I finally understand I don’t have to.

Until next time,